Celebrating 1st Anniversary on December 17th!

     Amazing what this year has brought to all of us! Who knew a pandemic would take over our lives and create so much... CHAOS! From lockdowns to businesses closing due to losing their business, to deaths and family loss. I lost 3 extended family members back in April and May. And just a few weeks ago a cousin and her family got the virus. Thank you, Lord they were able to fight it but the recovery is a long one from the symptoms. Needless to say... it is the holidays and almost a new year. I am ready for a new beginning!

     But let me start this one by saying "Happy 1st Anniversary!" to me. I say this because tomorrow is the anniversary of when again, my world got turned upside down. But this time for the better. I was still able to keep my composure. I stopped doubting myself. I got tired of analyzing the way people are. I decided to take charge of my own destiny. I made it a priority to never regret what I have done, said, or felt when it came to being real! Saying the truth! Expressing how I felt about things!

     So to end with a sweet note I will say... "f*** you" to those who thought they hurt my feelings for what happened the day of December 17th, 2019. I am so over and above you! Whatever reason they think they were going to damage me in the end... I WON! I will keep being positive. I will keep being real. I will keep being me and who I am. You didn't make me. MY PARENTS MADE ME! 

     Good luck to 2021 for you all! And a big huge welcome to those who supported me and guided me and took me under their wing and accepted me for who I am, flaws and all!

#WINNING

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are "affiliate links." This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this following the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials." 

That week of 19APR18...

On this Thursday I woke up late, past 8 am and not to my alarm! Ever since starting to work part-time I’ve had more sleep than ever, at times a good thing, and other times not so much! But on that day, although almost the weekend and having it off, which I was looking forward to, honestly, I was not! I could go on and on the reasons why, but this would turn out to be a long, drawn-out blog, and I don’t want to "burn" you with too much blubbery! So I will try to keep it short and sweet… to an extent, LOL!

The reason why this particular week sucked was the fact that I did not accomplish many things at the time! Lagged on my yoga time, did not work out at all and simply just felt too overwhelmed with things! Could it be that I just hit 50? And then the matter of my period, which was brief! Spotting on the 12^th, then nada on the 13^th, then again on the 14^th, and now and ever since, on this Thursday of the 19^th, and nothing! I am hoping this is the beginning of menopause, peri-menopause, or SOMETHING! Because to be quite honest I want Aunt Flow to STOP playing with my feelings and my whole self-being! And no I am not prego… God forbid!

Then the matter of bills! I have always been a person to pay my bills right on time… I am proud to say I got that from my mama! So, on this week? For this month? Behind! Again!!! Car insurance? Late! Cell phone service? Late! In previous weeks I paid two of my major bills ahead of time so when the next pay period hits, I can be at least ahead! Otherwise, dealing for the past couple of months with late fees ranging in the $20 and $25 for two of my bills… not what my part-time budget allows or needs! And I am not one to ask my fiancé for money either; we keep our money and expenditures separate from one another! So that is what is going on the budget front! They say we shouldn’t concern ourselves with these things as it complicates our lives, or that money ain’t the thing, just material! But it sure is a priority when it comes to taking care of your bills! BUT I will say... my schedule will change soon... it is just a matter of WHEN! Maybe the "money" will flow for what the needs need to be! 

Finally, on that day I also felt like crying many times since I woke (hence menopause?)! Here it was, a nice sunny day in the good 'ol PNW, and I was sitting there wanting to get a good cry! Maybe I will do just that next time, let anything and everything I have been feeling inside of me, and just let go with a good, solid cry!

Needless to say, the only thing that did NOT suck, is my cat Yota! No matter what a butthead he can be, needy meows, or him demanding to be brushed and groomed, he always seems to bring a little normalcy to my otherwise chaotic life! Don’t know what I would do without my fur-baby!

So let me ask you? What has sucked for you this week? Or any week or month? Feel free to comment and share or advice or critique! Anything goes here! I give you permission for it! Just don’t insult me or others… let’s be kind, shall we? 🙏

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are "affiliate links." This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials."

Stuck sucks!

Being stuck, SUCKS! I became unemployed back in April of this year (2017) and I tell ya, IT SUCKS!  And I admit, it was a fault of my own, for being so damn opinionated on social media, and therefore it affected my job, so I was fired!  Although I am a huge advocate of freedom of speech because let's face it, WE HAVE THAT RIGHT IN AMERICA AS US CITIZENS, but beware of employers that check your posts on social media platforms, it's like they feed off your venting only to get you fired and find that for a just cause!  My advice?  Don't add any coworkers to your social media "friends" list and if you do, keep a separate account for just people you work with, and another very private for just closest friends and family!  Better safe than sound!

It started to become so apparent that there were so many times I wanted to go out and post crap about crap from work, how it felt when they run down their own employees, making them feel expendable in every meeting if you didn't make your minimum weekly calls, or "step up your game", or whatever reason they would find to make you just resent work!  I was so compelled to post-hardcore and almost came to a point where I'd say "sure come at me, I got nothing anyway for you to come after me for!".  I felt so brazen, so f***ing fearless, like a verbal vocal warrior at the time! But you know what?  I didn't!  I sucked it all in! ALL of it!  It wasn't fun nor did it alleviated the frustration I would come home with! It stressed the crap out of me forty hours a week Monday through Friday!

But after that day, I kept reflecting and stuck to the same schedule every single day since I was fired: waking up at 4:30 AM, stepping on the mat for a yoga session, getting ready (well not really, just stay in house clothes with my cup of coffee!), sitting on my computer from 8 am to 4:30 pm, the whole day sending and filling out application after application after application for jobs.  I came to the conclusion that when things happen, they happen for a reason!  I saw that as a blessing for being fired!  YEP...  A BLESSING!  No more people talking behind my back or listening to their gossip, or the drama some would bring to work for everyone to listen, or whatever people do these days to find a reason to just let it all be about themselves for the most part!  To be quite honest, it was just getting on my nerves!  But I guess that is the price you pay for a very small office...  I felt out of place so many times!  However, I kept my professional composure, quiet at times, as much as I can muster!  I even started coming to work an hour and a half earlier than anyone else, just so I can get started; I jogged earlier in the mornings around the business area, to clear my head and get ready for the day ahead.  Many times I felt as if I could just keep jogging just to run away from it all, but had to get back, change, and then go about my business for the rest of the day!  Monday through Friday this was my schedule...  that of the slave desk worker!

Then one day sitting on the mat on one of my yoga sessions from YouTube, something resonated with me!  We need to reset!  We need to find that balance in things, and that is why yoga came into play!  Now it is a need on a daily basis for me, I crave it, I want it, give me Chaturanga all day PLEASE!  Well not really as it hurts your arms the first few days, but when you get that going, you start to see results... a bit of triceps!  I still use weights but, come on... how powerful it is to get into Chaturanga!  And now, I'm doing a chakra challenge and let me tell ya... your body is so complex yet, so simple and unique, you have the potential for so much!  No worrying about being judged or the gossip in an office!  YOU ARE FREE TO MOVE ABOUT!  You are your own judge, the f*** with the rest of the world!  I found my passion and if I had the money, I would love, LOVE to become a yoga teacher!  But there is so much to learn about this whole new genre, all I can do is be the student, and read...  A LOT!

My other passion?  Meditation!  I'm going slow on that one because let's face it, who in the world can sit still throughout a whole meditation session while reciting the bija mantra of OM, or LAM, or HAM, or any of the chakra mantras?  SO I've been doing it in small increments.  If I feel my mind wander, I open my eyes and pretend someone kicked me, recite once again the mantra and find my space center!  Try that!  It works for me!

With all of this said I have to admit, it feels pretty f***ing amazing to just let it go and all out!  And if any of this resonates with you, feel free to message me or post your thoughts!  We live in a free nation that although it seems that our freedom of speech can be threatened or marred by corporate bosses who think they got that controlled to make you feel powerless, let's not let that stop us from making a point...  AND NOT TAKE THE BS!  The struggle is REAL...  so fight for your right to fight FREEDOM OF SPEECH.  Now, and always!

(This blog was written on 08SEP17)

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"Reset Button"...

As I sit here in front of my desktop computer, I wonder when will someone, ANYONE, is going to call me for a job. I have been unemployed since April 12 of 2017, fired from my previous job due to my own fault, which I have owned, rectified, and made peace with myself. But it seems like the "punishment", as I call it, continues, from my past mistakes. Have heard nothing at all...

I've put my heart and soul in the job hunt, waking up every morning as usual, as if I had a real job still, at 5:30 AM. Don't want to just lay there in bed and waste myself thinking what I could've done better, or whether I regret what I did, which I honestly, don't, because it was freedom of speech, my opinion, and it is my right as an American! Not going to go there because that is a different chapter I may blog about later. In the meantime, however, I've been practicing yoga because it seems to calm my mind and my physical state. But the more I impatiently continue to wait and keep sending job application after job application, I am honestly running out of time here.

I have read many articles for the time being, but one struck a chord with me today. Sort of a "reset button", to maybe re-think a different career path. I have done customer service for 30 years, mostly in the office setting type. Previous jobs were challenging and diverse and I gave my all, yet, I was not happy as it was to me, "just another paycheck to survive, live and pay the bills". I laugh when job postings write "looking for someone who doesn't think of a job as a paycheck"... what are you supposed to think of a job, if not one to survive earning a pay? That sentence has always been one of the deep thoughts... ironic!

But going back to the "reset button" article I read, one of the things it narrowed down to was to think of finding a job you find joy in doing, a passion. Whether it is working with kids, your love for animals, or a favorite hobby. Lately, I have been trying to get back into art, and I have contemplated this for quite a while, getting my hand back into drawing, which I enjoy immensely. Growing up I wanted to be an artist and was always with pads and all the Crayola crayons you can imagine, along with pencils! That was all I could be happy doing, did not care much for school work or studying... I was always drawing, my escape into my world! However, as I got older, this so-called bitch named "Naïve" took a hold of my life and that was put on the back burner once I turned 19.

Now that I am in my late 40's, I honestly don't know what it is, but I want to get back into all these creative things I have in my brain! I am still job searching but it is becoming a clock ticking time bomb for me... running out of money, bills that still are needing to be paid, and I have a trip in August this year that unfortunately, I cannot cancel... the non-refundable crap thing you get from airlines! And canceling is not an option... it is to go see my family on the East coast, and that no one messes with! I am to get back into drawing and my dabbling at painting, I will need to work to supplement myself with artist stuff!

Hopefully, before my time is up until something happens... maybe a miracle? Is there such thing? I do have some paints, tons of pencils, already about 11 canvases, some paint brushes, and my will to get started so maybe in the meantime... I shall get creative and maybe even try selling my art! After all... I have to start somewhere by doing this now right?

Time to grab my sketchbook and 4H pencils... and get back to my escape!