Friday, June 30, 2017

"Reset Button"...

As I sit here in front of my desktop computer, I wonder when will someone, ANYONE, is going to call me for a job. I have been unemployed since April 12 of 2017, fired from my previous job due to my own fault, which I have owned, rectified, and made peace with myself. But it seems like the "punishment", as I call it, continues, from my past mistakes. Have heard nothing at all...

I've put my heart and soul in the job hunt, waking up every morning as usual, as if I had a real job still, at 5:30 AM. Don't want to just lay there in bed and waste myself thinking what I could've done better, or whether I regret what I did, which I honestly, don't, because it was freedom of speech, my opinion, and it is my right as an American! Not going to go there because that is a different chapter I may blog about later. In the meantime, however, I've been practicing yoga because it seems to calm my mind and my physical state. But the more I impatiently continue to wait and keep sending job application after job application, I am honestly running out of time here.

I have read many articles for the time being, but one struck a chord with me today. Sort of a "reset button", to maybe re-think a different career path. I have done customer service for 30 years, mostly in the office setting type. Previous jobs were challenging and diverse and I gave my all, yet, I was not happy as it was to me, "just another paycheck to survive, live and pay the bills". I laugh when job postings write "looking for someone who doesn't think of a job as a paycheck"... what are you supposed to think of a job, if not one to survive earning a pay? That sentence has always been one of the deep thoughts... ironic!

But going back to the "reset button" article I read, one of the things it narrowed down to was to think of finding a job you find joy in doing, a passion. Whether it is working with kids, your love for animals, or a favorite hobby. Lately, I have been trying to get back into art, and I have contemplated this for quite a while, getting my hand back into drawing, which I enjoy immensely. Growing up I wanted to be an artist and was always with pads and all the Crayola crayons you can imagine, along with pencils! That was all I could be happy doing, did not care much for school work or studying... I was always drawing, my escape into my world! However, as I got older, this so-called bitch named "Naïve" took a hold of my life and that was put on the back burner once I turned 19.

Now that I am in my late 40's, I honestly don't know what it is, but I want to get back into all these creative things I have in my brain! I am still job searching but it is becoming a clock ticking time bomb for me... running out of money, bills that still are needing to be paid, and I have a trip in August this year that unfortunately, I cannot cancel... the non-refundable crap thing you get from airlines! And canceling is not an option... it is to go see my family on the East coast, and that no one messes with! I am to get back into drawing and my dabbling at painting, I will need to work to supplement myself with artist stuff!

Hopefully, before my time is up until something happens... maybe a miracle? Is there such thing? I do have some paints, tons of pencils, already about 11 canvases, some paint brushes, and my will to get started so maybe in the meantime... I shall get creative and maybe even try selling my art! After all... I have to start somewhere by doing this now right?

Time to grab my sketchbook and 4H pencils... and get back to my escape!